You wouldn’t believe me if I told you the number of times I tried to convince my other side of the brain to write this piece. There was a conflict. A huge one. I wondered if I was the only one going through this. I looked around and realized I wasn’t alone in this battle. On the fence whether to write or not, I decided to go ahead. My thoughts bleed through my hands as I write about this bloody battle called ‘life’.
All this while, I believed that all I need to do is ‘figure out my life’ as early as I can to conquer this battle. I constantly lived out of fear that I’ve failed to achieve something concrete in my life. I thought “happiness” and “purpose” lived on the other side of this strange phenomenon called “figuring out life”. I was wrong all my life. My tiny span of life thus far which amounts to literally nothing, when compared to the scale of time, since the birth of universe but amounts to everything that I have been, I am and I will be.
Lost and confused. At 15. At 18. At 21. And now at 23. Each time, I told myself “It’s okay”, the same phrase, in the same tone, delivered in the same moment that it has been, for years. No different. Just press play. This time around, I decided to figure out, no matter what. I started by shifting my paradigm. I started to believe that “happiness” is a choice. It is not a permanent feeling and those moments that break me down are just as important as the moments that make me happy.
I understood that my purpose of life is to keep figuring out what I like, to explore everything I want to and to remain lost and confused. At 30. At 50. At 80. And at the time of my last breath. I might take my own time to conquer this battle but more importantly, I want to keep fighting this battle as long as I can. I want to wake up every morning not with fear but with excitement. I made some rules for me to follow to help me through this. Three simple rules that hang on the imaginary wall in front of my eyes all day, all night long.
One, to show gratitude. The kind of positivity this brings along is enormous. It makes me realize how lucky I am for everything that I have received and everything that I have given. The family and friends I have, the mistakes and achievements I have made, and the moments and stories I have lived, all together define me for who I am today.
Two, to realize that I’m bound by no constraints. I’m now ready to experiment, explore and embrace everything I want to. And all of these while being selfless and serving the community around me. An idea is all it takes to change the world. An idea is all it takes to change my life for the good.
Three, to live in the moment – An “I’m here.” of the “Right now.”
Are you fighting this battle too? Maybe, you should follow these rules. No, maybe, you should create your own. Come what may, do realize that each one of us is fighting our own battle in our own way.
~Figuring out life~